Dear Big Business

Dear Big Business,

Yes, we know your hiring… trust me, we all know. The thing is… it’s not because we were busy getting handouts. Those “handouts” just meant we weren’t dependent on living paycheck to paycheck from you.

It meant we could spend time with family, without being threatened about taking that extra day off and losing our income. It meant we could keep our health safe by quarantining instead of pushing ourselves to the breaking point jumping through hoops for you.

It hasn’t been worth the minimum wage for a long time. That there are full time employees that even need WIC or food stamps is awful. That there are tons of part timers expected to have open availability for your convenience yet you cap them at 29 hours so you can avoid offering insurance covrrage is ridiculous. There’s always been four full time hires for this department yet it’s now expected run with two even though sales are higher than they were… do I actually HAVE to describe the many ways that makes no sense?!

You’ve been pushing the mentality of “the customer is always right” for so long and demanding so much from us workers for so little. Does it seem right that a customer is allowed to berate and harass us… and for that they get a treat? That discount? They treated a human being who is supposed to be under your care like nothing and you thanked them for it. If someone treated their child like that, it’s neglect but it’s just business to you isn’t it?

Mind you these are all problems from pre-pandemic that have only gotten worse since then.

The pandemic took a lot of people… a lot of the workforce. It’s given perspective for us but it should have given you perspective too.

You have the product people need, you have a location that is accessible, you adapt to the market… customers aren’t actually going anywhere, especially when health concerns during a pandemic try to keep them isolated. Anyone who has been home on their own with a newborn knows this as well… that store trip is a freaking vacation even when you have to bring the kid with you.

Guess what… they don’t actually need that scented soap, that purse, the lounge chair, that DVD… they want out of the house, the isolation… retail therapy does wonders.

Dopamine for the new thing they got, adrenaline for being out when it was probably safer to stay in, and socialization with others… made better by the fact that they were all powerful and got to walk all over someone as if they were superior then being given an extra bonus for it all.

This has to change.

You want workers? Then pay them what they are worth for keeping your day to day business running… listen to them when their experience in the field shows this new policy isn’t practical…

Want them to prefer your job to another? When a customer lords over your employee to the point where they are in tears then stand up and say “I have a right to refuse service to those who don’t treat my people as human beings”… give them proper acknowledgement when they are doing well instead of just giving more goals for them to catch flak for not attaining…

We know you want workers but we need you to give a damn about us first.

Sincerely, the workforce of retail and food service

Two sides of a coin

Nowhere hasn’t seen me in a while… not due to lack of things to rant about really. A somberness has reached me due to a combination of depression and a disconnect to what needs a rant.

When something brushes you the wrong way, there’s two ways to deal: one is passion/anger but the other is a denial of sorts. The first can be a great motivator to fix whatever the slight, invoke a change with diligence. The second makes it easier to move on, where you don’t expend energy and can either pretend it doesn’t exist or just accept it as inevitable.

The first is a hard road to take. It requires rigidity and flexibility st the same time. Martian Luther King Jr. would not have been able to be as effective at spearheading the civil rights movement on a grand scale if he went in with a hot head, but likewise may have caved in if not for a deep firmness in his passion for civil rights to change the landscape of a culture.

The second (acceptance or denial) is a cop-out from these responsibilities and burdens. Either you have the privilege to deny it or in the spotlight where a passive acceptance allows you to sleep at night. It leaves you disconnected no matter if it’s denial or bored acceptance. You, who have privilege to turn away, have just turned a back onto something very real in the universe in which you are supposed to be a part of. Then you, who just accept whatever slight as inevitable, contribute to a problem by complacency so you can passively move through the universe in which you are a part of. This is the coin of loneliness.

My coin is on its side. I have both accepted things I shouldn’t have while also ignoring others. Quite frankly, this is what disconnects me but this is what depression does.

I’d rant into nowhere as an outlet, but began to realize no change was going to come from that alone. It merely dociled me into being able to deal with the problem without losing my cool. Get through one more day, one more day, another day… of course the problems remain. Anxiety has always been a companion to me whether I’d like its company or not. Anxiety itself takes a lot of energy, even the hydroncolider would tire. This, however, is what leads to a depressive state only to soon become a perpetual depression.

It is exhausting to be anxious.

It is exhausting to be depressed.

Mental health is like a D20 also known as a dice with 20 sides for all those out there who are not fun. Of course there are way more than just 20 mental health issues, but a D20 is the deciding factor on if something succeeds in Dungeonand Dragons (yes I am a nerd as much as I haven’t been to Nowhere in a while that hasn’t changed I assure you).

Anyway, a 16-20 roll is very good likely to work; grey area exists 6-15; leaving a 1-5 not being desirable at all. I’ve been rolling a 5 sided die for a while now on my mental health. Not a 1 considering lack of suicidal thoughts or intentions, but a numbing day after day… very disconnected from the universe.

I want the energy to be passionate again… effect change… even if just enough to rant loudly into this void I created for myself because I objectively feel as if the world is on fire but I’m too tired to be involved and that in itself is a problem I intend to fix.

6 feet… apart or under?

Everyone by now knows the precautions that are recommended by scientists for Covid-19: 6 foot distancing as much as possible and so on.

Being in retail, we’ve pulled out all the stops to keep people safe. It creates more work, but it’s worth doing to stop the spread as much as possible.

Before we officially opened back up, I had all these plans on how to give customer service but maintaining safe distance. I’d put something on the table, for example, step away then it would be their turn to step up. Next time you go to the store, any store, I want you to look at how the customers give each other that berth typically without issue. Thing is… THEY DON’T DO THE SAME FOR EMPLOYEES!!!

Upon opening, I quickly had to nix my distance customer service plans because customers do not give the same berth to employees as they do to each other. They come right next to you to ask the question then follow much closer than needed (trust me, the size of my store they wouldn’t be in danger of losing me).

Funny thing is, that employee has been in contact with all of those customers you’ve been giving space… logically the staff member is the person you should be probably most wary of. I’m not overly mad as long as masks are involved, but people who I’ve helped have pulled the mask down to talk. Why are you taking random parts of precautions then throwing some of the most important to the wind.

This is a big reason I’m as reluctant as I am about being back to work. Wearing a mask is a consideration for the people around you moreso than actual protection for yourself.

I have two young children who I am worried about getting sick. They haven’t been able to play as much with other kids they’ve been with us (their parents), my aunt (who has mobility problems so regularly needs help from us because she doesn’t go out), and my parents. That I’ve been careful but it could be for not because of these inconsiderate gestures… turns my stomach.

I’m taking showers and changing clothes after every shift before I even greet my family. The extra work is tiring, even more since quarantine lasted a good few months. Would it be so bad that the people working extra for you to stay safe get the same consideration from you?

Daily Prompt – Resurgence

Many wars are waged…

Some won, some lost.

No matter your side,

There is always a cost.

Mutiny under the unjust captain,

Rebel for the sake of progress,

Voice your battle cry…

Even after you’ve tried your best.

A battle doesn’t decide the war.

Let that rally travel on the wind like a song.

There’s always the chance for resurgence

Until your battle cry is gone.

It doesn’t have to be heard by all.

Just as the world will end in a whimper so can the war be won.

Therefore keep your cry loud or soft,

Just as long as it continues until it’s done.

Sometimes my battle cry is clear, but sometimes it’s simply the quiet voice in my head saying tomorrow is another day.

1 doesn’t equal 10

Nowhere, comparatively this will be a trivial matter to what I have ranted about lately. However, even little things can irk me so vent I shall.

I’m going with my mom to her appointment and then to mine after. The timing works so we can use one car. Bonus to that is my car won’t use gas because we can and are using my mom’s. The cherry on top is my newborn woke up in the middle of the night for two hours so I’m tired and can sleep in the car while my mom drives (or at least rest my eyes to be more realistic). However, tag teaming with my mom on things like this have drawbacks… Mom doesn’t have proper time management skills.

Even when I was a kid she was frantically getting things together and worried about being late even though we were usually ready before her. Since being a parent, I chalked it up to maybe it was because kids add a whole new level of obstacles to getting where you need to be. Even still, she would jump in the shower at 7:00 and only be 15 minutes with it but mind you… My homeroom started at 7:20. I actually got detention for three late days, two of them because of things like that.

What really gave it away that it wasn’t us as kids messing with the time table was recent. Last night when planning the details of the pick up she said,

“My appointment is at 8:00 so I’ll get you at 7:30.”

Doesn’t seem odd until you factor in that the drive she’s planning takes at least 40 minutes. That’s not even factoring in all the rush hour traffic for people going to work or the construction that we’ll pass (which has been going on for nearly 2 years, I know considering it started just before having my son and I used to work down there).

Since it won’t bother my appointment at 9:15, I’m not overly anxious about being on time for mine but usually my anxiety spikes when lateness comes into play regardless of who it’s for. I like being on time.

This is no secret about my anxiety yet my mom, the psychologist, does this constantly. To be fair, even with that, I just don’t think my mom is fully aware of the behavior since she’s never been any other way. If that changed about her, my first question would be if she hit her head or went through hypnosis.

My mom does this on days I work as well, though I live close enough that I’ve never really been late but I like to not rush in a vehicle that does need to then compensate for the time lost. I also like to collect myself before my shift. Sit for a few before actually having to clock in.

However, considering how constant this is I only imagine it’s the law of the universe so there’s no fighting it without subtlety… I will simply tell my mom I need to work 30 minutes earlier than I do 🙂

Nowhere my old friend… I’ve come to vent at you again…

Tell me others read that to the tune of The Sound of Silence, considering that’s how it went in my head. Though if you didn’t you probably went back and it did.

Recently I’ve listened to an NPR podcast known as Invisibilia. This episode talked about the expectations of others dictating how our lives go. In particular talking about a famous blind person named Daniel Kish. The reason he’s famous is because of how well he uses echolocation to the point that he can see in a sense enough to ride a bike.

My son typically clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth as he aimlessly looks for what toy he wants to play with or, more accurately, what he wants to get into. I’ve never discouraged it, if anything I’ve clicked back. People kept telling his mother to stop him from clicking because it wasn’t appropriate. She fought against the grain telling them she wouldn’t take away his version of being able to see. They also lectured her on letting him ride that bike and climbing trees because he was blind so could get hurt. However, she let him.

My main rant is how I want to be this kind of mom, not catering to how others view things. I grew up being called a goodie two shoes mostly because

Dr. House would have a field day…

Nowhere… I’m going to vent while things are bleak for me. Mostly because now is when I need to be strong especially but… I don’t feel strong…

Over 10 years ago had to drop out of college because of medical issues, dibilitating pain in my abdomen. To manage pain I took pain meds constantly, even resulting in an ulcer. It took four specialist nearly 3 years to discover gallstones that blocked the organ enough for it to be infected.

They took out my gallbladder and it was fine, but it took nearly three years of constant pain and inability to function…

Present day, over two months I have been getting episodes of severe abdominal pain. It’s been so severe I have passed out from it because the pain practically vice grips my right lung so I can’t breathe properly. I’m a frequent flyer of ERs just to manage the pain because the other pain medicine isn’t working. Noticing a parallel? Yeah, me too.

Only this time, it’s not school where I can go back and finish my degree later… I’m home with my kids. Each ER has used some washed up excuse just to send me on my way only for the pain to come back. I’m crestfallen because if I go three years in pain with no diagnosis… My son will be 5, about to go to school. My daughter… She would be 3, only knowing about her mom being in pain.

I don’t have the time to waste missing my kids grow, but I can’t watch them on the playground if at any moment an episode could make me pass out. Even as it is, I’m in pain picking up my son when I know being able to pick him up is a phase getting shorter and shorter. I was going to go back to work today… if I wasn’t checked into the hospital yesterday. Mom job is getting very difficult while working is near impossible…

With CT scans coming back normal, it’s this nightmarish waiting game I never wanted to participate in again. My husband’s depression has been rough on him lately which I’m sure my health isn’t helping, considering he was with me during the first time since the beginning.

We aren’t well off enough to go to the Dr. Houses of the world let alone for only my husband to be working. I worry for my kids seeing Mom withered down from pain and anyone with a toddler knows there’s not enough privacy to keep that under wraps. I worry about my husband having to be sole breadwinner and picking up the parenting slack from my end. As for me… I don’t know if my mental health can withstand all the things I want but cannot do for my family…

It was bad enough then… not again.

Update: currently hospitalized due to gallstones when I got my gallbladder out in 2012… Apparently it’s possible… Rare but possible. At least I can soon get back home with my kids. Hopefully I’ll be able to make it back to work this coming week.

A logic denyable…

Nowhere… I’m cutting right to the chase on this one because I’m seeing it all over the news and it’s beeing pissing me off.

We’ve all seen the laws being passed in an assortment of states that ban abortion with some of the most ridiculous measures and reasoning. Some people would read that as “a liberal Democrat” comment and such, but funny thing is… those people can shove it because I’m actually a registered Republican, not that it holds any bearing. I don’t care if you are riding an elephant or a donkey, either way dismount so we can be on the same level for a proper discussion for crying out loud. If the irritation on that is confusing then you haven’t read my other post from way back when Political Parties aka Adult Cliques

body autonomyMost of these laws are stomping on the idea of body autonomy so badly it’s amazing how these things got as far as they did, constitutionally speaking. For example, I am marked as an organ donor on my identification so that I can help someone who needs a new organ should I not be using them anymore (a kind way to say should I die which Nowhere isn’t a place for a filter so… f**k it). If I die where my brain and nervous system is no longer sparking up like a live wire they harvest my pieces for better uses than rotting. This is not a requirement to agree to on your ID. If someone does not agree to share organs after they’ve bit the big one then their organs get to rot in the ground with the rest of the body or be burned to ashes, whichever living you decided on. Now, mind you, I think that’s a waste but I wouldn’t imagining forcing that on someone who is not comfortable with that idea. Guess what? Neither do the hospitals, morgues, etc. since they will leave the pieces of the deceased together if, while they were living, the person checked no. This alone shows that a woman’s corpse can be shown more respect for her choices than her living self… nice right? Now tell me, as a government who is trying (in theory) do well by its people so it becomes prosperous (trust me it sounds so far from our government right now but hang in here with me) why are you going to honor the dead more than the living who are the ones paying taxes and voting.

Speaking of voting, Alabama’s gem of rights violation would have someone convicted to life in prison should someone get an abortion for any reason, yes… any… even if it was the product of rape. Then states like Georgia takes it to another level following you out of state so that even if you get an abortion where it is legal but you live in Georgia you will be punished as if you had done that within state. State laws should not be “following” you out of that said state. What does this have to do with voting? If someone is in the prison system or still bound by stipulations of release from it because of being charged by a felony (more than a misdemenor which these “crimes” would be) then most states don’t let you vote. 


Note that men could be charged too if aiding someone in getting an abortion but it is an even greater threat to the women and their collective voting voice.

The worst thing about these over the top almost militant level punishments being put into place is that they are easily 10 times harsher than a rapist would get. The issue of abortion honestly wasn’t even a problem that really needed fixing, but those laughable punishments for things like rape and molestation… THAT IS A PROBLEM IN NEED OF FIXING!!! For example, everyone remembers the scum of a human being named Brock Turner right? A few years back in 2015 he was arrested for raping an unconscious woman… he served just three months for raping someone who was completely passed out because in his mind that was a good way to get his jollies off or, according to his father, “getting some tail”. You want a sex partner who won’t concent… save it for your blow up sex doll at home, okay? Now if she had gotten pregnant and these laws were in place then not only did she have no say in getting pregnant (let alone say in having relations in the first place) but she would be forced into coming to term or going to prison possibly for life. The “shorter” punishment of having to live through the stress of a pregnancy let alone the stress from it being unwanted would be nine months while Brock Turner’s punishment was the equivelant of just one trimester! That shorter is in quotes because, with all the damage psychologically speaking as well as bodily stress because of such changes, it could easily compound into larger, long term issues mentally and physically. No matter someone’s views on abortion you can’t tell me that the one who assulted to result in the unwanted pregnacy should get less of a punishent than the victim. That is broken logic that is the root of the real problem about this whole thing.

I’ll be honest though, I couldn’t picture myself ever go through an abortion. As for others going through an abortion the reason why doesn’t matter as long as you need it, but I can’t stand when an abortion is used as birth control. If birth control was used by both parties and it still resulted in pregnancy then sure I’d have no qualms. This would require pills and condoms being readily accessable to everyone (including being affordable). Having said that, even with my view on it over all, I consider myself pro-choice if anything because until those inadequances of healthcare are addressed a woman should be able to abort if that’s her choice.

Anyone on the other side of this debate brings up the bible I’d smack them with it (and depending on the version it could pack a punch, like that hardcover pictured below). Religion itself isn’t perfect even within its own circle let alone letting it branch bibleout as I wrote in A Deity of Faith… It doesn’t matter what my religious affiliation is… seriously any of the pro-lifers who bring up the bible automatically forfiet their say in a governmental law if that is their only arguement for it. The United States of America has never been a theocracy, without it being a church state it’s hardly a place where a religious stance arguing for a law. It was founded with the idea of religious freedom so any religious texts or beliefes have no place carrying weight in the government. I’m all for it shaping your morals and personal lifestyle, but even if I agree with your religious take on a topic like this… I will not accept that as a valid arguement. 

All in all, I don’t know where this surge of this stuff came from, spreading like a wildfire in a drought. It’s terrifying that it got so far, but especially so because of the speed different states all came to this awful concenses. Beyond it’s basic lack of constitutional basis and its misguided righteousness, the implication of perpetuating the problem of prison overpopulation, endangering women, and negating votes of a sizeable population is really where the worst concequences of these laws are going to come through. Of course I hope we don’t get to see how bad these concequences get because legislature will realize their mistake before then. However, with the way American politics have been, I’m not holding my breath and honestly… not so proud to be an American…


Nowhere hasn’t seen me in a while because between financial burdens and two children it’s hard to find time to type without little hands bashing random gibberish in my rantings.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d like to vent about holidays like it, really anything that brings about a celebration of an individual. Think about the individual you are celebrating before putting plans in place.

For example, I want to do nothing. What I really want is to lounge at home, someone watching my kids for me, and getting to craft, read, or play games. I don’t want to even have to worry about making myself food.

I want to be lazy and if I’m not being lazy it’s because I choose to be active and productive… I’d rather that than it feel like some obligatory everyday task that I’m a failure if I don’t accomplish.

Let me pitch the idea a different way, if you have the ability to do something fun but you choose to accomplish a chore… Don’t you feel extra accomplished? It wasn’t something you felt obligated to or forced into where fun is always on the back burner but you did it anyway. You are a responsible person who has their priorities right AND you feel good about it so you are Wonder Woman or Superman. Kudos to you for getting it done in spectacular fashion.

So when holidays or something else celebrates me, I feel drained and exhausted when so many people pull at me to go out somewhere. I’m not saying that can never be a fun way to celebrate but it’s definitely not my first choice. Mostly because now afterwards I come back wanting to relax to a place where dishes need doing so now the dishes are the forced chore I must do instead of unwinding from the day where I was unable to relax.

Even this has taken a few hours for me to write out, my kids are napping so I’m going to nap as well and if I can’t maybe I’ll feel like a proper adult who has life together by cleaning and maybe having time for (dare I say it) fun…